MY VERY VERY BAD JOKES! by Louis C.K.

These are my not bad, but TERRIBLE JOKES!! Enjoy and hate...

Remember these are original jokes. I take full responsibility. Sorry. . .

*****Here are the Four new bad jokes! 9/8/02*****

What do you call it when a long fish didn't quite make it?

- he eelmost made it.

What do you call a young cat with crap all over it?

- A shitten.

What is the most talkative condiment?

- Mayosays.

What do you call a gay man when YOU have a cold?

- a hobo.

And here are the rest...

What should you use to write down that you just took a dump?

-a number 2 pencil.

Where do you leave a hair pie to cool it off?

-on the vagisil.

What do you call it when you have your name written on your breasts?

- Identitties

What do you call it when a lumberjack farts?

- He cut the trees.

What do you call a piece of crap that is horizontal, up against an erect penis that is vertical?

- Poop-and-dick-cular

What do you call some guys with large backbones who sodomize pettite people?

- Spinal men-in-tight-ass

What do you call a fast food chain that gives you gas?

-Burper King

What do you call it when you are worried that someone has a tumor?

- You are cancerned about him/her

What do you call a chinese homosexual?

- A gasian.

What do you call it when you press your tits onto someone's balls?

- Chesticles.

What do you call a lesbian who drives around in a Ford Winstar full of dimembered penises?

- A Dick-Van Dyke.

What do you call the female child of the woman who helps you while you're pregnant? Also the woman is from Boston and the child is sort of oddly tall shaped.

- My doula's oblong daughtah.

What did the hillbilly jewish guy say when his mother got sick and he didn't care?

- Ma's ill? Tough!

What do you call it when you kill yourself by letting too many animals in your house?

- Zooinsid

What do you call an infant who has been raised by homosexual parents? - A gaby.

What do you call it when you go out with a woman and you force her to eat pancakes? - Date crepe.

What do you call a nun who you don't like? - A nunt.

Why can't a soldier look whistfully at the ocean? - Because there's no Gaze in the military.

What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his balls? -A Dogsn't