I've never in my life been sick for so long. I first got the flu around Thanksgiving. then i got over it and started running again, feeling healthy. Then my wife got the flu, then the baby got sick, and then I came down with it again in early December. It lingered for about two weeks and then, about three nights ago, it hit hard. My whole face is now one big stingy sore. I can't stop working because we have to deliver this pilot script on time, so I drive into Burbank every day, work and then come home and collapse, although I have been also going out at night to do Standup. It's much harder to get spots in clubs out here than in New York, so I am loathe to cancel.

When I'm home, I just lay in bed moaning. My two year old daughter comes over and sits wtih me sometimes, trying to get me to play with her and I just sort of wheeze to her and try to take part in her games verbally. After a few minutes, she looks down at me with this look like "dude, what is your problem?" and runs off to do something else. I'm becoming this guy in bed to her. I feel like a loser in her eyes. Actually, she's very n ice about it. She says "Papa's sick" all day. The other morning, she put her tiny hand on my forehead and said "You are awfully sweaty." Then she went and got a box of bandaids, and quietly sat there, putting them all over my face, one by one. I know you're all thinking "Aaaaaw, that's cute." but please don't. She takes her care-giving very seriously and I know she would not want it belittled that way.

Other than being sick, a large adjustment I've had to make while living out here is the driving. I live in Venice, which is out on the coast, (for those of you who don't know) and I work every day in Burbank, which is in the Valley. Separating the coast and the valley are some mountains, or hills or whatever, and the only way in is through a vicious throng of traffic called the 405, every day there, and every night home. It used to cause me a huge ammount of anxiety to do this drive twice a day but I have found a great way to get through it. I have started to listen to audiobooks. It is such a great way to pass the time. Often, when I get home or to work, I'll actually sit in the car a few extra minutes to listen to the books.

So far, I've been concentrating on presidential biographies. I've decided I'm going to listen to the biography of every American president. In this way I will learn all of American history.

The first one I listened to was "Truman" by David Mccaullaugh What a great book. It is read by the author, which is a huge plus, because he just reads it very plainly and without pretention. some of the "actors" that read these books, especially historical ones, feel the need to read it with this character in their voice, always full of intrigue with a nauseating twinkle in their stupid eye. I always find myself yelling at the radio "Just read the fucking book!" But Mccullough did a great job reading his book. Also, I had no idea what a great guy Harry Truman was! He really is a great example of the American dream. He was born in a tiny house with no money, worked his ass off his whole life, he was a farmer, a bank clerk, he was a paymaster of a railroad, where he would ride up and down the tracks on one of those comical hand carts that you pump to move down the track, and he would spend the night with these salty railroad workers and then pay them. These big grunty guys would say "Harry is alright!" Then he was a war hero and then a judge, then a senator, then Vice President with Roosevelt, then president when Roosevelt died. the amazing thing is that, as you listen to his life and you learn how hard he worked to get to where he was, you just know he's going to be a great president and you trust him as a person, and it's almost infuriating when you read about how the country and everyone in Washington kept losing faith in him and counting him out. I wanted to scream at everyone in history "But that's harry Truman! he took his father's farm, which his useless father had mired in debt, and he made it thrive, working with his poor old dad, side by side, at the expense of his own brilliant career. Of course he'll do the right thing now."

Then I read John Adams, also by Mccullaugh. Another great man in our History who I knew nothing about. I learned that John Adams defended the British soldiors in the trial that followed the Boston Massacre and he got them all aquitted. I learned that Thomas Jefferson was kind of a dick but that they were great friends. I also didn't realize that the whole scandal of Jefferson and Sally Hemmings (his slave) was not something that came out way later, but that it came out while he was president and almost ruined him. Back then, it was just like the whole Lewinsky thing now. Everyone knew about it. Also, when Jefferson died, he gave many of his slaves freedom in his will, but not Sally Hemmings. Jesus. Anyway, the main thing I learned from the book was that John Adams was probably the most important person in the American Revolution. He made it all happen more than anyone else. When he was president (2nd president) he dealt with htis huge crisis that I remember nothing about from School. Aparently, France was constantly sinking our ships and everyone was afraid that we were going to war with them. John Adams asked Congress to build a Navy and start training an army, though he did not want to go to war. He just wanted to be prepared. But the Republicans cried that Adams was inventing entire conflict with the French, in order to funnel money to the arms industry. As it turned out, the French didn't want a War, they just wanted to extort money from the USA, in exchange for them not sinking our ships anymore. The whole episode sounded so much like the conflict that exists in this country now.

After Adams and Truman, I started to wonder if I would just like every person who's biography I read. I think it is natural, when reading the story of anyone's life, to start rooting for them. But then I got Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography. Interestingly, it is read by Adrian Cronauer (sp?). He's the guy Robin Williams played in Good Morning Vietnam. Benjamin Franklin's autobiography is interesting. But he himself was a HUGE asshole! Jesus. It was driving me nuts listening to him brag about how he had the best print shop in Philadelphia and how he drove all his competitors out of business and all the while he ate nothing but bread and milk from an earthen pot with a pewter spoon. He also takes credit for everything that ever happened. He built the first public library in America, which I'm sure is true, but then he prettty much claims to have invented the whole idea of a fire department and police department and bla bla bla. And the only mention of his wife is that she once served him his breakfast in a china bowl and a silver spoon which he found to be not very frugal of her. With Truman, Adams and Teddy Roosevelt, who I'm listening to now, a huge part of their lives revolves around the people they love. Franklin only talked about himself and how good he was at making money and how everyone who ever disagreed with him was a drunk and didn't wash enouugh. Alright, I have to go to work now, sick as I am.

That's all for now, my friends...

Thanks for reading,