Salina, KS

05/30/04

Well, so much for camping out every night. We got chased into a motel by a real Kansas tornado (warning) last night...

The day started off pretty perfectly. I woke up at about 8:30 at our campsite in Mark Twain National Park. I put the dog on a leash because there's lots of campers there and walked her down a steep, brushy hill, down to the lake. We walked by the lake for a while as big boats whizzed by, full of beer drinking shirtless Americans. Every time a boat passed, it caused a wake to splash the rocks near us, and Loona would bark at this and try to bite the waves. I'm very sorry I have no picture of this hilarious act because I didn't bring the camera.

After tiring Loona out, I went for what has become my daily bike ride. I'm very glad I got a "Mountain" bike because you can really go anywhere on this thing. I rode down this trail until it opened out onto a huge, wild field. I looked out across it and thought, fuck it, I'm going ride right into this thing...

The grass was very high and snarled and I had to work very hard to push the bike through it but it felt great. Also the tires were getting deeper and deeper into mud until finally I found myself in the lowest gear, pedalling like mad, my back tire spinning mud onto my ass and going nowhere. I had ridden right into a swamp. I picked up the bike and carried it on my back as I ruined my running shoes further, trying to find a way out of the murk. It was very hard work but felt incredibly good. Something about the air in Missouri. It smells peaty and fresh, like there's more oxygen there than any place I've ever been. The shape of the land and the way the trees are spaced out, it's just so handsome. I felt like I could see where Mark Twain drew his inspiration, and why his writing just feels like part of the American landscape.

I had been planning to go see Mark Twain's home, but I decided right then to skip it. Why go to some place to watch fat people in hemmed jean shorts taking pictures of his white suit with their throw away cameras, when I can spend that time in these fields, where you can just imagine Tom Sawyer running across them barefoot right in front of you.... I know, sorry, I almost puked writing that but it's really how I felt.

I got back to the campsite, cooked breakfast and russian tea, and broke camp, somethingI'm getting better at but that still takes way too long.

We had a lot of driving to do yesterday, to make up for the weak day before. So we mostly stayed in the car. Loona had a hard time getting comfortable.

We pretty much just plowed through Missouri and into Kansas, only stopping a couple of times on rural roads.

At one stop, still determined not to buy any junkfood, I shared a sardine sandwiich with Loona...

Once we got into Kansas, it was windy everywhere. We started hearing lots of Tornado warnings on the radio, but the sky was clear blue from horizon to horizon so I assumed the counties they were naming were not near me. The wind was wicked, though...

Then the fun started... We drove out of Topeka, which is the last major city in Kansas on the I70. I had looked on the map and picked as the night's camping spot, a place called "Wilson state Park" which has State run campsites, always the best. Wilson park is about seventy miles West of Salina, which is the last town of any size I would pass through until Colorado. As I passed through Salina, the sky was getting dark blue to purple and I was congratulating myself on the fact that I wouild be sleeping outside for yet another night. Just then I noticed that the sky way ahead was going from purple, to dark blue, to kind of a ashy gray color, and there were quiet flashes eminating from it. Hm... could be rain. Okay, I thought, another night pitching a tent in the rain. I'd done it twice. No big deal. As I drove on, about a half hour later, things changed A LOT and QUICKLY. The wind on the road was strong and gusty and grew more jerky as I drove on. the ashy gray strip on the horizon had become a mountain range of clouds with constant, still silent (to my ears) flashing. flashes and white streaky bolts of lightening constantly pulsed all through the clouds. Each one would, for just an instant, light up the clouds in red and green shades, revealingl how huge, horrible and menacing they were becoming. It was like looking at a giant brain growing bigger and bigger.

The storm was developing so so fast. Every time I'd go "Hm.... Ah, it's not so bad." and seconds later it would seem to get worse. The radio, which was tuned to some very hippy dippy public radio station, which had earlier been broadcasting a show called "Dream walker" where some dude who HAD to have a long beard, took callers who told him their dreams. Each caller would describe their dream, hoping for an interpretation and some guidence. Then he would "Throw the runes" and you'd hear this click-clacking, then he'd tell them what the runes indicated "the first rune to come up is the challenge rune. And it's reversed toward you so it indicates a delay." Nothing the runes said was ever helpful to the caller. The caller would awkwardly thank the Dream walker for nothing and hang up as he smugly said "You're welcome" like he'd done anything. Or he would forgo the runes and offer his own stale interpretation that anyone could have come up with. One woman called and said that she dreamed that her husband killed a little girl and then stuffed her in the chimney. The Dream Walker offered this: "Hm.... okay. I think that your husband killing the little girl represents that he did somethign wrong. Somethign that he shouldn't have done. And him stuffing her into a chimney, indicates that he's hiding that deed." Wow... how did he figure that out? Then the woman asked "But what did he do?" The dream walker said "COuld be a lot of things." I wanted him to say "Maybe he killed a little girl and stuffed her in the chimney."

AS I drove drove toward this storm, however, this show had ended. They were now playing weird, eerie, new age music. It sounded like someone took John Carpenter's music from "Haloween" and laid over it some of that echo-y new age singing that is always so phony because they're trying to sound spiritual by just not singing in any particular language "Hoseia hummmmm! Masa de yaaa! Oh- hummmm!" With the ominous sky in front of me, the effect was very not phony, however, and rather dramatic. Every minute or so, a hippy radio guy would come on and offer calm, laid back tornado warnings. "I'm really sorry to interupt the beautiful music, but I need to let you know that Russel, Salina and Lincoln county are under a tornado warning. There is high probability of a touchdown so please take shelter immediately. Please continue to enjoy these sounds..." Then the music would rise up again, with big echoy piano notes hitting hard with every bolt of lightening. Now, I don't know anythign about Kansas counties, but I was driving from SAlina, toward a very small town called Russel, so that pretty much told me I was looking right at the mother fucker he was talking about iin his whispery voice.

There's something about weather. IT scares the living shit out of me. It really does. I'm like Rico in Key Largo. I kind of panic. And this was not just weather. These clouds were towering and they didn't seem to be even up in the sky. They looked like they sat right on the ground and if I kept goign I"d get swallowed right into them. They were a hundred miles long and high and the flashing was now constant and the car was being knocked all over the road by wind. I had never ever ever seen ANYTHING like this.

Something else was happening that was new to me. Every time there was a particularly bright lightening flash, it would be followed by a really strong gust of wind. What the hell is that?! I very quickly made the easy decision that I would be sleeping very indoors that night. But where? The exits had really dried up. I started to freak out a little because I was just bombing down the road, headed right for this storm. Just then, I saw a sign for a Best Western hotel. I took that exit. Unfortunately, the hotel was eleven miles off the road. I was doing about 80 MPH down this dark country road trying to remember my mantra from teh first night "Hurry, don't worry. Hurry, but don't worry."

When I reached the motel, which was in Ellington, it was sold out. A bored girl in sweatpants told me she didn't know of any other motels in the area. I got back on the road and raced toward the interstate, not having any idea where I was going. I looked on the map and saw that, other than the state park, the only thing up ahead was Russel, which looked to be a very small town AND, it had to be right in the teeth of the storm at this moment. I had no way of knowing if, were I to brave the storm, there would be any place to stay there. And after Russel there was NOTHING on that road for many miles. The hippy on the radio was now starting to get a little serious "Okay, I really don't want to keep interupting the music but we really MUST urge anyone on the roads right now to seek shelter immediately." I checked my cell phone and saw that I had one tiny bar of recetpion. I dialed 411 and got a very scratchy, bad connection. But I asked the operator to look for motels in Russel. She said there were none.

As I got back to the interstate, I realized the only thing to do was to drive back to Salina. But that was almost fifty miles in the wrong direction. I didn't want to do that. THen I looked at the clouds. Oh.... my.... god.... I had NEVER EVER seen anything like that. IT looked like a whole world of storm. No way was I driving into that. So I got on the 70 going East. The wind was much worse now and I looked in the rear view mirror and realized that the storm was practically in my back seat. I looked straight above me and saw clouds. I gunned the engine and started going about 90 miles an hour. The hippy on the radio finally just turned off the freaky music because he'd been given stuff to read by the national weather service. He started talking about golf ball sized hail and "circular developments" to the storm and he now didn't sound very very much like a hippy at all. He said one thing that sunk in with me, which is that the storm was moving EAst at 30 miles per hour. THat meant it was indeed chasing me, but that I could outrun it. But the wind that came ahead of it had become crazy, whipping back and forth in every direction. Some gusts would push the car suddenly from behind, then jerk it back really hard, like it was sucking me into the cloud. I thought I could feel the wheels come off the pavement just an inch. Then it would suddenly thrust into the side of the car and I'd have to steer against it. Loona was curled into a tight ball in the back.

Up ahead, I saw cop's lights flashing. A state trooper had put down a bunch of road flares and directed me to the only open lane. I passed him slowly and then passed a huge 18 wheeler... which was laying on it's back!! Jesus, it had turned over. It looked like a prone elephant. Now I started to say shit out loud to myself in the car. "Aah, fuck! Fuck! What the fuck is that!"

I got back up to 90 and, incredibly, it started to get calmer. I looked up and back and saw that the storm was getting worse but that I was indeed outrunning it. I was still in a bit of a panic but better now. I drove on into Salina and the sky directly above was black and starry. The storm winds were still fierce but clearly weaker and further from their source. When I pulled into Salina, everyone was flooding the hotels. I tried the Holliday Inn first but no rooms and everyone was yelling at desk clerk. I pulled out and went to the Super 8 across the street. The clerk was standing outside her door, just waving people away, shaking her head. I realized that I was driving in a clump of people who were all trying evey place. The only way to get ahead of them, was to go two hotels shittier than them. So I went to the travelodge which sat right on the highway and looked pretty bleak. As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw a bunch of white vans with weird globes on the roof pull up and a some guys got out with cameras and scientific equipment. I realized that they were storm chasers! Jesus, if you see storm chasers, you are not in a good place. I ran into the lobby and luckily, I got a room. She said "The only thing I have is on the far side of the building on the second floor." I said "FIne." Not knowing why anyone wouldn't want that. Then I got to the room. Basically, this room is the Western-most spot in the whole town. It's my room, then a big field of wheat, then the strom. I stood on the balcony and watched it approach. It was still distant now, but growing in the sky. Two of the storm chasers were in the parking lot directly below me, taking photos with a Hasselblad camera.

The guy on the local news said "If you are in Salina right now, you better go outside one last time and batten down the hatches, whatever you have to do, because this thing is packing winds of up to 75 miles per hour and confidence is high that a twister could touch down."

I took Loona for one last windy walk. and I took the bike off the back of my car and brought it into the hotel room. The wind was wild and howling. everyone was getting ready, running into their rooms. The streets looked empty. By this time it was 1am. I sat in my room and waited. The storm chasers ran into their rooms. The cloud was right on us and it looked like it would just slowly roll over the town, eat it, burp and move on. The wind got stronger and louder. At about 2am, All was dark and it started raining hard. I couldn't sleep. I figured all I could do was sit here and wait for it to come, see how bad it is, then whatever.

So it rained.... and it rained... for a little while. And that was it. It stopped raining and everything was quiet. I looked on the doppler on the TV and saw that the storm had turned north, hitting Salina with mostly just it's tail and it was moving on to scare the shit out of other people now.

Wow. What a let down. Oh well. I got to sleep around 3:30 am, thoroughly fucking up my sleep cycle and driving schedual. Now it's morning, around 11am, and I gotta get moving. So long.

Thanks for reading.

LCK